No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
