Man, jail baloney is awful.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
