how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
