Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
