dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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