note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
