I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
