roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
