Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
