I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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