I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
