you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
