You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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