im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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