i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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