My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
