so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
