I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
