You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Still dying that you shit outside
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
