If i come over, it means nothing
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
