I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I could fuck to npr.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
