Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
