Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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