And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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