I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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