I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
