I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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