Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
