I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
