I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
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