I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
