if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
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Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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