wat bout pragnant strippers??
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
