Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
