Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
