Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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