I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
