I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
