I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
its not stalking. its research.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
