just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
