idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
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I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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