I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
