so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
