I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
