Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
