Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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