Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
