Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
