K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
