Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Randomize
