I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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