Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
