I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
