I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
