i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
