Umm I'm too high to move.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
