I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
