My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
