I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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