Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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