Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
