I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
