so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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