New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
