textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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