Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
