Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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