Sry I called you an 8
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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