my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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