farters have to be the big spoon...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
