i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize