i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
