I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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