im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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