The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
