D3 body, D1 cock
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You can't special order awesome
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
