Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You took a bar mat shot.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
